I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
