He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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