YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
