The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
