I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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