so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
