Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
As shirtless as possible
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
