? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize