I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
