everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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