Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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