went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
