Sorry, I don't speak sober.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
