One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
