I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
