I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
