I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
