my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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