Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
