The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize