none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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