I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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