And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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