if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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