I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
