I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
