Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
