oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
