So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
