R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
