yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
then he tried to convert me to islam
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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