my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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