Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
