No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
