He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
