In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
