...so i touched it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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