Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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