You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
