so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
