so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
