Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
