He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize