So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
