She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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