BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
