those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
