last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
