i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize