giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
