My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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