Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
