Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Randomize
