okay pat passed out under dana's car
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
