Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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