Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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