she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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