Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
