seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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