just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
