Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
