he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He keeps bees of course he's weird
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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