hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
