did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
