You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
