did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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