I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
