Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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