sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
