She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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