shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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