Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
