Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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