She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
