The best revenge is premature balding
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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